《Caigen Tan (菜根譚) - Complete Collection #36》 [036] 待小人,不難於嚴,而難於不惡; 待君子,不難於恭,而難於有禮
📜 Original Text
待小人,不難於嚴,而難於不惡;
待君子,不難於恭,而難於有禮
📚 Translation
When dealing with a person of low character, it is not difficult to be strict, but it is difficult not to detest them.
When dealing with a person of noble character, it is not difficult to be respectful, but it is difficult to genuinely possess propriety.
✍️ Hanja Breakdown
- 待 (dài): To treat, to deal with.
- 小 (xiǎo): Small, trivial.
- 人 (rén): Person.
- 小人 (xiǎo rén): A person of low character, a petty person, a mean person.
- 不 (bù): Not, un-.
- 難 (nán): Difficult.
- 不難 (bù nán): Not difficult.
- 於 (yú): In, at, with regards to.
- 嚴 (yán): Strict, severe, to be strict with.
- 不難於嚴: It is not difficult to be strict with them.
- 而 (ér): But, yet, while.
- 難於不惡: It is difficult not to detest them.
- 惡 (è): To detest, to dislike.
- 不惡: Not to detest.
- 君 (jūn): Sovereign, ruler.
- 子 (zǐ): Son, (a respectful term for a man).
- 君子 (jūn zǐ): A person of noble character, a gentleman.
- 恭 (gōng): Respectful, reverent, to be respectful.
- 不難於恭: It is not difficult to be respectful.
- 有 (yǒu): To have, to possess.
- 禮 (lǐ): Propriety, courtesy, etiquette.
- 有禮 (yǒu lǐ): To possess propriety, to be genuinely courteous.
- 難於有禮: It is difficult to genuinely possess propriety.
🔍 Explanation
In life, we meet and form relationships with countless people. Sometimes, we encounter individuals who are difficult or hard to understand. What attitude should we adopt in all these relationships?
This passage from Caigen Tan offers profound insight into the subtleties of human relationships and the true essence of dignity when interacting with others. It reminds us how crucial inner maturity is, beyond mere superficial gestures.
The first part states:
"When dealing with a person of low character, it is not difficult to be strict, but it is difficult not to detest them."
Here, a 'person of low character' refers to someone who lacks virtue, is cunning, and sometimes harms others through selfish actions.
It is not hard to be strict with a person of low character to correct their wrongdoings. However, the real challenge lies in managing the negative emotions that arise in our hearts during this process, specifically 'detestation.' True wisdom lies in admonishing wrongdoing without hating the person themselves.
Criticizing someone's actions while refraining from despising the individual is ultimately a way to avoid the poison that harms oneself.
This demonstrates a level of self-cultivation that extends even to one's emotions, and such emotional discipline is indeed the path to true character development.
The second part contrasts this:
"When dealing with a person of noble character, it is not difficult to be respectful, but it is difficult to genuinely possess propriety."
A 'person of noble character' is someone of high virtue and dignity, whose nobility naturally inspires respectful attitudes.
However, simply offering polite words and gestures is not the same as truly embodying propriety.
True propriety means respecting their character sincerely while maintaining one's own self-respect, rather than becoming overly subservient or losing one's dignity out of excessive admiration.
This also aligns with the saying, "excessive deference is not propriety" (過恭非禮). True propriety stems from a balanced attitude that respects the other person without losing oneself.
Ultimately, this passage emphasizes that the difficulty in interpersonal relationships lies not in outward actions, but in managing our inner selves.
Not responding to the faults of a person of low character with hatred, and genuinely showing respect for the excellence of a person of noble character without debasing oneself.
All of this is possible only through introspection and self-cultivation.
This passage reminds us that 'sincerity' and a 'balanced mindset' are the most important virtues in all relationships.
🌱 When dealing with people, one must master one’s emotions,
and true propriety comes from a balanced mind
that respects others without servility.